


The Best Little Gulag in Siberia

by missdibley



Series: From Siberia With Love [1]
Category: British Actor RPF, Great Escapo, Muppets Most Wanted, The Great Escapo - Fandom, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Cunnilingus, F/M, Fingering, Smut, intercourse, no muppets were harmed in the writing of this smut, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 14:42:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4267191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missdibley/pseuds/missdibley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Instead of me being arrested, me being tried, me being sentenced, it was him. It was always him. In my thoughts, in my dreams, in my plans. My boss and my love, The Great Escapo "</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Best Little Gulag in Siberia

The last thing Nadya said before handing me the keys to Gulag 38B was “Don’t fall in love.” She needn’t have bothered. She was too late. The whole reason I was at the gulag in the first place was precisely because I had fallen in love.

I was his assistant, his lover, and, ultimately, his downfall. A trick had gone wrong, and an old man was frightened because I’d been too generous with the gunpowder during one of our signature illusions. It was an accident, and nobody died, but the old man had powerful friends, a good lawyer, and didn’t like being humiliated in public.

Instead of me being arrested, me being tried, me being sentenced, it was him. It was always him. In my thoughts, in my dreams, in my plans. My boss and my love, The Great Escapo.

It had been two months since he’d taken the fall for me, one month since he’d been sent to this frozen hell. It took me a week to travel to Siberia, invent a CV that nobody bothered checking anyway, and get hired as a guard. It would take me a day to break him out.

Nadya was being forced into retirement, being made to takie the blame for Kermit and the Muppets escaping. There was no warden or guard with enough seniority to take her place. And even if there had been, I doubt it would have made any kind of difference in the running of the prison.

The day I arrived, I lined up with the other guards before my shift began, casting my eyes downward as Nadya performed her last morning inspection. She noticed that my shoes were, instead of being the standard issue lace-ups, [knee-high Louboutin boots with three inch heels](http://goo.gl/WIUJyV), but said nothing. It was then that she warned me against falling in love, pressed the keys into my gloved hands, and swept out the gate.

I found that my fellow guards didn’t do much of anything. They were content to stand around and scratch themselves, turning a blind eye to whatever the inmates were doing. And on that score, there was even less to worry about. Our prisoners were effectively harmless. Many of them could hardly remember what they had done to get themselves incarcerated in the first place. Outside in the world it was cold and harsh. Here they had food and shelter and some entertainment. Granted, the food was often bland but it was hearty and there was plenty of it. I was told that the cells could be drafty but the army blankets, along with the inmate uniforms, were warm.

In the few hours I was at Gulag 38B, the only tasks I was asked to perform were as follows:

  1. Make sure the singing prisoner locked up in the sweatbox had gluten-free biscuits for his tea.

  2. Settle a dispute about who was hotter, Wilma Flintstone or Betty Rubble. For the record, it’s Betty.
  3. Fashion a needle for the rec room record player out of a safety pin.




I searched the yard but The Great Escapo was nowhere to be found. I had tried being subtle, coy almost, as I searched. Ivan came down from the tower, rifle slung on a strap over his shoulder, and examined my face.

“Who are you looking for?”

“What makes you think I’m looking for somebody?” I tried to sound defiant, a little cocky.

He scoffed. “The lady guards are always here looking for somebody. Somebody to love, somebody to screw.” He leaned in closer and squinted at me. “Start with the cellblocks that face north.” He nodded at the keys that I still gripped tightly in my hand.

I spun around on my heel and made my way to the prison. Once inside, I kept my hat and coat on to guard against the chill. There were none of the reinforced doors and security protocols in modern prisons, just endless gates that opened easily as soon as I located the correct key on my ring.

When I got to the first inmate corridor, I found a post which bore signs pointing out where all the men were housed. There were signs for Big Papa and Danny Trejo. Prison King’s sign was covered in glitter, appropriate to his status in the prisoner hierarchy. The one labeled “The Great Escapo - #9” was rendered in red and silver. I yanked it off the post, slipped it into my pocket, and made my way to his cell.

He was asleep, curled in a nest of blankets. His moustache was full and heavy on his face. It made me laugh, always did. I always complained that it did nothing but make him look older without the benefit of adding dignity, but I would never asked him to shave it. It always felt too good, tickling my face when he kissed me and my inner thighs when we made love.  Silently, I unlocked the door and crept in.

I removed my coat, shuddering against the cold, as I had actually eschewed the dress part of my uniform. Instead of the expected sweater and skirt, I wore [a quarter-cup bra](http://www.agentprovocateur.com/images/dynamic/i/350x444/c7fbe4ba.jpg) that the kind people at Agent Provocateur custom-made for me (though only after I admonished them for not carrying larger sizes for bigger ladies), and a pair of basic tanga panties that I hiked up to expose the globes of my ass. I placed my cap on a nearby stool, shaking out my hair which fell in soft black curls down my back. I checked my face in a smudged mirror on the wall, biting my lips to redden them slightly.

He shifted, opening his body to me and loosening the blankets so I crawled into bed and lay beside him. I nuzzled him, taking in his scent and his heat. He wore long underwear to sleep in. It was soft to the touch. I wanted to wake him by taking him into my mouth and sucking him until his moans of pleasure alerted everyone to my true purpose. Instead, I traced my fingers over his lips, his cheekbones, and that ridiculous moustache. I giggled and when I did, his eyes flew open.

“Bess! Oh my Bess!” He wrapped his arms around me and drew me in for a long, deep kiss. I laughed as his moustache tickled my face. Lying on our sides now, I hooked my leg over him and rolled my hips.

“Sir,” I moaned as he kissed down my jaw to my tender throat. “We have to get you out of here.”

“Agreed,” he signed. “How shall we do it?” He began to stroke me, running his fingers up and down back.

“It was appallingly easy to get in, so I think we can just walk out of here, actually.” I began to suckle at the base of his neck. “But in case I’m wrong, and we are prevented from escaping, we might want to take a moment…” He arched his eyebrow at me. “Okay, several moments, to celebrate our reunion.” I licked him. “Right here. Right now.”

He shifted, using his powerful hands to lay me beneath him as he straddled me at the hips. He moved my arms above me, wrapping his hands around mine so I grasped the top of the bed frame. He kissed me again, moaning into my mouth while his hands found my breasts and kneaded them, brushing the rough pads of his fingers against the hardened tips. I rolled my hips eagerly, desperately. He laughed.

“Eheheheheheh. Soon, darling Bess. Soon.” He moved down so he could suck on one breast, then the other. I hissed as his exceptionally nimble tongue swirled and flicked at my nipples. “I missed your tits so much, love. Though not as much as this.” He squeezed my sex, laughing again when I cried out.

“Oh please, sir…”

“What is it that you need, Bess?” He began to circle my clit with a finger, moving it faster as his mouth began to suck harder on my breasts.

“Your tongue, sir. Down there. Please! Oh!” I lifted my hips off the bed and he accepted my body’s invitation, scooting down and curling up between my legs.

He licked me, pressing the flat of his tongue against the thin strip of cotton that covered my sex. He had to sit back to pull my panties down, getting them as far as my knees before he bent my legs up so they were folded into my chest, and out of his way. His hands were strong, gripping the backs of my thighs, as he dove back in and began to lick my swollen cunt.

He growled as he licked deeper and closer to my very core. He eased my panties off completely before spreading my legs, opening me so he could press his face into me, swirl my swollen clit with his tongue while he began to fuck me with his fingers. Somewhere, I thought I heard a bell, signaling the midday meal. I laughed, for nobody knew that in cell #9 The Great Escapo had already begun to feast.

I whined as he closed his lips around my clit, and jerked my hips faster as he began to suck harder, faster. The pressure of his lips, interrupted occasionally by him cupping his tongue around my tender nub, was the best kind of torture. His moustache was so soft, tickling me in a way that was familiar and still strange. His fingers pumped into me, matching his pace, and it took everything I had to form words to speak.

“Please, oh sir, please. Inside me. I need you… oh…” My wish was granted when he got up on his knees and pushed down his long underwear. I moaned when his massive cock, dark and hard and so beautiful, bobbed into view. I could see the head, shiny and slick with pre-cum. I licked my lips, then spread my legs wider.

The Great Escapo placed himself at my entrance then pushed in, fast and hard and deep. He grabbed my thighs for leverage, and began to make long, slow strokes into me. His cock was so big, the biggest I’ve ever had, but I was so wet, so ready from the pleasures of his mouth and his hands, that he sank into me with ease. I rolled my hips for him, meeting every buck of his as best I could. When he began to move faster, I felt myself clench around him, relishing the feel of every vein, every ridge of him as he pounded into me.

“Bess… oh my darling… you feel soooooo… god yes!” He squeezed his eyes shut but I kept mine open, gazing at his face. The vein throbbing in his forehead, the short dark ginger hair that was too short to produce the curls that I loved to pull when we fucked. Jaw clenched, nostrils flaring, he panted as he brought me, brought us, to what I knew would be a hard, powerful climax. He could keep that ridiculous moustache forever as long as he promised to keep fucking me the way he did.

“Oh sir, please, I’ve got to come. May I…” I made to release one of my hands but he grunted.

“No. Allow me…” Not giving up his relentless pace, he eased one of his hands between my legs, finding my clit with his thumb and forefinger. I whimpered when he began to massage it, then screamed when he pinched it.

“Oh fuck! Oh my god! Yes! Yes! Oh yes! Please!” I screamed as he fucked me faster, pinched my clit harder, and then I came. Bursts of white light appeared even as I shut my eyes and let my orgasm roll over me. My back arched off the thin mattress, pressing my ass into the bed.

“Fuck. Oh my Bess! Bess! Oh Bess!” I felt him come inside of me, delighting in the way his cock spasmed and twitched inside me as he did. I squeezed my walls around him, and he bucked hard into me, filling me completely. He moaned as his strokes began to slow, though his cock still felt just as big and as hard as when he had first pushed into my cunt.

My legs felt weak, so they parted easily, allowing my love to crawl up my body and lie on top of me. I moaned when the first trickle of his cum and my nectar began to seep onto my inner thighs.

“I don’t think we’re going anywhere for a while.” He sighed then pulled the blankets back over us.

“That’s fine,” I whispered. “I quite like this place, actually.”

“Oh really?” I felt him smile, then press a gentle kiss to my breast.

“It’s secluded, with regular meals, and it’s simply full of handsome men. Hey!” I squealed when he nipped at my breast. “Security is relaxed, and there are these smart uniforms for the guards.”

“You do look awfully good in that coat. Though I imagine this flimsy excuse for a bra is not standard issue?” He laughed when I shook my head. “But… it’s still a prison. And how can I call myself The Great Escapo if I don’t mount a daring escape?”

“You’re right, sir.” I sighed, then smiled to myself. “About that name…”

“Oh what now?” He sounded a little irritable. “You don’t like it, do you?”

“It’s not that, it’s just… I think you could use a new title. Something to use when we’re not on the road, no longer on the run.”

He looked up at me, his blue eyes wide and curious. “What did you have in mind?”

I reached down for his hand, taking it in mine so I could bring it up to my lips to kiss it. I slid his hand back down to my belly and squeezed. “How about Daddy?”

“Are you… what are you saying?” His brow wrinkled as his eyes filled with tears.

“It’s yours, ours, if you want it.” I sniffed. “I suspected when you were sent away. I wanted to wait until I could confirm it with a doctor, so I did while I planned your escape.”

“Our own little Great Escapo!” He smiled at me, then pulled me to him for a kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, chuckling when I rolled my eyes at him. “What?”

“That name!” I laughed. “But speaking of escapes… we should get going. Unless you want our child’s first escape after he leaves the womb to be from this place?”

We dressed quickly, slipping out the way I came in. The yard was full of prisoners engaged in post-lunch activity, but nobody cared or even noticed us as we walked to the main gate. I nodded at Ivan, who came down from the watchtower to examine us as we stood, panting and flushed with excitement.

“You, uh, taking the prisoner for furlough?”

“I guess so.” I stood up and spoke again. “No. He’s being relocated to a new prison, a harsher one. I will be escorting him.”

Ivan sighed at my terrible excuse for a lie, but did nothing. He held his hand out and I gave him the keys. He unlocked the gate and shook his head as we walked out. I heard him mutter “Crazy woman” as he locked up behind us.

The steppe was gray and flat, with nothing suggesting an easy way back to civilization. The Great Escapo pulled me into his arms and sighed.

“Maybe not our most daring escape, but certainly the most satisfying.” He kissed me on the lips, and I purred with contentment. He looked up, his brow wrinkling as he saw something in the distance. “What in the world…”

I turned to follow his gaze, my jaw dropping as a tiny speck in the wide sky got closer and louder and eventually revealed itself to be a helicopter. It landed about a hundred yards in front of us, a door sliding open as we ran for it.

A handsome man with gelled black hair and a fetching moustache of his own pulled us in, and shut the door.

“Bonjour, madame et monsieur. Je suis Jean Pierre Napoleon. Mademoiselle Piggy, excuse me, Madame Piggy-Frog,  sends her compliments to The Great Escapo and his charming assistant Bess The Willing. She regrets that she could not collect you herself but she is on her honeymoon.”

“How did she…?” I wondered aloud. The handsome man handed us headphones, then buckled us into our seats.

“She is, how you say, a former intimate friend of the elderly gentleman who sent your love here. Her rage at the injustice of your punishment resulted in several karate chops and, most importantly, the declaration of your innocence, which came just this morning. I see you’ve already begun your celebration?” He quirked an eyebrow at me, for my coat had fallen open, revealing the thigh high stockings I wore underneath.

“Something like that, yes!” My love laughed, then grasped my hand. “We’re going to be parents!”

“Then permit me to the first to congratulate you!’ The handsome man bowed. “Where shall we go? What shall we do?”

We looked at each other, The Great Escapo and I, and shrugged. He turned to the handsome man. “Somewhere warmer than here, surely.”

“Very good, sir.” The handsome man turned to the pilot, whispered “Vienna, please.” and just like that, we were off.


End file.
